"Do You Think That's Right?"

Christian Housewife:
What do you think about the way JK Rowling handled the whole Dumbledore thing?
Me:
Handled?
Christian Housewife:
I mean, she kind of left us in the lurch with that remark.
Me:Um, though I’m no fan of the Harry Potter books, I believe that all she said was that she always thought of Dumbledore as gay.
Christian Housewife:
Yeah - Dumbledore’s gay now.
Me:Now?
Christian Housewife:Do you think that’s right?
Me:
I don’t think that it matters.
Christian Housewife:
All this time I had my children reading those books, and now, after it’s over, she tells us that he’s gay.

Me:[failing to see the point]

Mm-hmm?

Christian Housewife:
Well, I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have let their children keep reading those books if we had known that.

Me:
Are you serious?

Christian Housewife:Well, now she’s promoting homosexuality.

Me:No she isn‘t.

[pause]

Imagine an artist paints a picture of a boat but he titles it, "The Spaceship". Is he then promoting the exploration of space, or is he just calling a boat a spaceship?

Christian Housewife:
How am I supposed to explain to my eight-year-old daughter what "gay" means?

Me:Some men like men more than women, and vice versa.

[pause]

Easy-peasy, nice and breezy.

Christian Housewife:[challenging]

THAT’S fine, but tell me how I explain the sex part?

Me:
Why do you need to explain the sex part?

Christian Housewife:
My daughter knows that guys don’t have the right holes...

Me:
Sure they do. They just happen to be useless for reproduction, that’s all.

Christian Housewife:
Exactly.

[smug pause]

When you teach your daughter that sex is for procreation, then gay sex makes no sense.

Me:
Right...IF that’s the way you’ve explained sex to your daughter.

[coy]

You didn’t tell her that it was fun?

Christian Housewife:
[aghast]

I don’t want her knowing that it’s fun!

Me:
Yeah, you’re right.

[laughing]

She’ll NEVER figure that out on her own.

[long silence follows; then:]

D’you think she has an inkling?

Christian Housewife:
SHE’S EIGHT!

Me:True, but kids grow up so fast these days; maybe she’s figured out that to create the brood of brothers and sisters she’s surrounded with wasn’t quite the sacrifice that you, possibly, made out to be...at least not during conception.

[more silence]

Right?

Christian Housewife:
[defensive]

She doesn’t know anything about sex.

Me:
Well, who’s fault is that?

Christian Housewife:
[horrified]

She’s eight. Years. Old.

Me:
Yes, and you’re worried about gay men having sex.

[pause]

She might as well be asking about erectile-dysfunction, as far as I’m concerned.

Christian Housewife:Well, THAT would be easy.

Me:
Experience rears its ugly head on that one, huh?

Christian Housewife:
[smiles]

Me:Yikes.