Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I Feel (sic)

Since my last post, I've had a virtual deluge of comments...two, in fact: one anonymously in the "comments" section, one to my inbox. Ladies & gentlemen, Newton Wilcox:

RE - whining about losing to STR - it might be arraigned but it would have to be private and not published. On your honor as Canadian and a recent subject of Queen Elizabeth, I'd need you're word on this.
Yes, and my response:

That's hilarious.
Even funnier is the idea that I was "whining" about "losing"...I, apparently, mistook "obnoxious" for "inhuman piece of trash", and, as such, I don't need to "win".
Funnier than THAT, however, is your "hush, hush" idea for this to be, as you put it, "arraigned".
How about this, champ: you learn how to use the proper "you're" (in this case, as "you're" is a contraction of "you are", you probably meant to say "your"), and I'll write you back an email that isn't so jam-packed with invective.
You're welcome.
Ryan Lawson


Well, Dudley, it's a deal - I'll go back to school and learn how to proofread and your free to take the standard issue RCMP stick out of you're ass (<----note comedic use of misspelling for effect). I'm a slow learner, though, so don't wait up. 

In the meantime, look up the word "verisimilitude".

In closing, I'm very sorry that, as a Canadian child, you were taught that "Alan Thicke" and "funny" meant the same thing. They didn't then and they don't now. 


Did you, perhaps, get the impression that I was hanging around, waiting in the vain hope that you would "catch up"?
As for funny, what's absolutely hilarious is how many times you must have gone over this email, juuust to make sure you got your spelling right...especially the part where you have to tell me that said spelling is "comedic".
Ha ho.
Verisimilitude, eh? It's in one of my chapter-titles of the handbook I'm releasing...send me your address & I'll send you a copy, free of charge; you'll love it.
How aboot "xenophobic"? Even better, I didn't even have to look it up!
Aaaand, to finish this off, I'll take Alan Thicke over Kirk Cameron every day of the week...even Sundays, when Kirk, and you, are praying.
If there's anything else you'd like me to correct for you, send it along it along with your address (for the free handbook!), and I'll see what I can do.
Love & Kisses,
Ryan Lawson

Picking on half-bright dipshits isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be, so I'm just about done with this...however, I'd like to mention the irony of getting into a "flaming" war with someone who routinely writes about their fear of "homos".

To reiterate, though, my problem isn't with the content on Shelley the Republican; it's that it isn't FUNNY, and is, instead, fueling bigotry under the fallback of humour. The only thing Wilcox had to come back at me with was geography, and, as we all know, boy oh boy is that lame.

Ah, well...and here we are; it feels like the day after x-mas, and all I got was a lousy pair of socks.

Why I expected more, I'm not sure.

No comments:

Post a Comment