Monday, May 7, 2007

Being Excellent: Fifth in a Series

By now, the realization of your own Excellence should have come fast and hard like a math-test made of granite shot from a bazooka mounted on a bullet-train...if not, then I'd take another quick peek at my own personal inventory if I were you.
If you aren't Excellent, and you know this deep-down in your heart in the same way that you know your multiplication-tables, I can tell you that I appreciate your unflinching honesty.
Fair is, indeed, fair.
However, even the truly Excellent have those troublesome times where they're only going at about half-speed; though slightly unbelievable considering all we now know about the Excellent, this is an absolute fact, and something to be dealt with, despite the seemingly-dubious presupposition of the aforewritten point, like it was a poker-hand full of arsenic.
Even at half-speed, your Excellence out-Excellences the UnExcellent, so buck up; you must persevere through whatever physical/emotional maladies you may be suffering because, of course, you're Excellent: how bad can it truly be?
Well, sometimes it can be pretty, say, for instance, you spent your entire winter hibernating in front of your computer, creating a truly remarkable, nay, astonishing body of work, with a legerdemain of unprecedented acumen that immediately thrusts you into the non-specific, and completely fictional, cosmic ledger-column of The Greatest of All-Time; you then attempt to play beer-league, co-ed softball once the tolerable-weather comes rolling into town, ending up a broken husk of a man, with fragile hips and the gait of a 104-year-old grandmother of twelve...
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if your strut isn’t working properly, you’re going to notice.
Oh, yes.
Who does an Excellent person turn to in times of need, unspeakably embarrassing though it may be?
You must turn to the Non-Somebody Else.
Coffee, cigarettes, barbiturates, a long, hot soak in a bath of rock-salt...whatever your embattled body/bloodstream can handle; like aspirin for a headache, these things will not really heal you so much as allow you to accept your temporary unExcellence, letting you sliiiiiide past your troubles with a wink and a smile.
Obviously, this unExcellence happens so infrequently to the truly Excellent that panic CAN set in - relax, have a smoke, and remember, above all else, that you are Excellent...things will just work out.
Don’t change horses in mid-psychological-training.

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