Thursday, October 25, 2007

Religiously Atheist

I am inherently untrustworthy because of my (non)religious-beliefs...or so says a 2006 poll from the University of Minnesota.
On the surface, that means that you’d be less inclined to ask me to hold your puppy while you ran in to get coffee, instead trusting your pet to the guy in the pressed shirt who’s clutching a bible and his self-satisfaction so tightly that his knuckles are white and his face is twisted with what you would hope was effort.
If you got lost, you’d prefer directions coming from the hacking, toothless-mouth of that walleyed, foul-mouthed gremlin panhandling on the street-corner over me because of the gleaming cross swaying from his swarthy neck.
If you were dangling off a building-ledge thirty floors up, you’d be more comfortable taking the atrophied hand of an arthritic, 85-year-old Sunday-school teacher then you would mine.
Good luck with that.
None of this is to say I’m not spiritual; I do believe in karma, but mostly because I have to. Otherwise, I’d spend my days inflicting eye-gouges and shin-kicks as vengeance towards the legions of knuckleheads corroding our planet.
It’s called Preventitive Spirituality, and I recommend it highly.

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