Friday, December 14, 2007

Stop praying for me

"I’ll pray for you."

I don’t get it.

Does this mean that you’ll add me on to the whack of daily-prayers you already burden god with? Kind of like getting invited to an insipid party because I was within earshot when you were discussing it? Or do you mean that you’ll, as a separate action, pray specifically for me? You would take a second after finishing your other prayers, to let god digest all the self-centered ramblings of your own continued good fortune, and then start all over again with me as the main topic...something like that?

Or would you say, "oh, and there’s this other guy I want to pray for, too"?

What if you’re praying for me because I’ve offended you a great deal? Like, say I tell you, historically and scientifically speaking, with gobs of common sense thrown in for laughs, that your god doesn’t exist...and even if he/she/it did exist, well, he/she/it doesn’t like you; you say, doubtlessly hearing the devil’s cackling voice wafting up through the hellfire of the inferno, that you’ll "pray for me".

According to Billy Graham, heaven is only 1600 square-miles across! That’s right - heaven is the distance between Vancouver & Phoenix! Do you really want me, the guy who told you that heaven, hell, god and the devil are the figments of a long-dead theologian’s imagination, taking up space in your Shangri-la while the rest of you are moshing for shoulder room?

You should, of course, because otherwise it would be incredibly boring...but your logic, if I can call it that, seems to be less cracked than fully broken.

So, knock it off. Or, at least admit that what you’re doing isn’t for the pray-ee, it’s for yourself.

Y’know, at least you tried, right?

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