Tuesday, March 14, 2006

South Dakota: Motherfucking Scumbags

South Dakota can take a big, meaty bite out of my cock...those inbred, backwards, idiotic, prehistoric, asinine, fucking control freaks.

Seriously. Who the FUCK cares if someone wants an abortion? Does it matter to anyone other than the person actually making the decision FOR THEMSELVES? Apparently, yes it does, as the powers-that-be have decided that the people make enough decisions already in SD, what with elections and everything, that the very personal decision to have/not have an abortion needs to removed from the individual ledger. Well, fuck that.

I think every male within the vicinity of SD, or, if you're like me you're saving your money for a trip, should seduce and impregnate every congressman/woman's daughter we can get our filthy hands on. Let's see these evil fucking barbarians' resolve when they're faced with the prospect of their family blood-line infected with the likes of my seed...a bunch of screaming, no-job-holding, anti-everything little monsters running around SD, voting democratic just because it would piss their parents off.

ME: "Hi, mom."

IDIOT CONGRESSWOMAN: "Would you stop calling me that."

ME: "No way. Your daughter is going to birth my waterheaded baby, and I'm personally going to dilute your family-bloodline until there isn't anything left but compassion and logic."

[beat, for effect]

ME: "So, obviously it's going to take a while."

[another beat for effect]

ME: "And a lot of fucking."

The real problem here is that this is just the first shot in what looks to be an upcoming war against individual decision-making in general; it's not being alarmist to mention the 2000 election yet again, as the decision-making was taken over & controlled by the government. If you disagree, you're wrong, and you're putting yourself in line with the other attempted-history-erasers...the 2000 election was fair & square just like the Holocaust never happened.

It's also not some "wacky" conspiracy-theorem to suggest the government is attempting to relieve the common man of his decision-making rights just because you get bored of hearing about it, or are too lazy to look it up. It's all there, in black & white...open a fucking book and take a look. Repeating a phrase ad nauseam, such as "abortion" in conjunction with the word "evil" or "godless", doesn't make it true, or little Jimmy from eighth grade would've had sex 35-times while in juniour high just like he said he did.

Bill Hicks had the right idea: All you mothers who are not legally allowed to have an abortion should just havethe child and put them on the front steps of the Supreme Court. Day after day, week after week, just pile baby after baby on the steps...YOU say we have to have them, YOU FUCKING TAKE CARE OF THEM. Life is so precious, right? Well, use some of your ill-gained money from electioneering & campaigning to take care of the thousands of babies left on your front porch, you holier-than-thou fuckwads.

Also, here's another good point; it's not pro-abortion, it's pro-choice, and every man in the world was born pro-choice. Why? Because WE are NEVER HAVING BABIES. Not one guy is going to shit out a baby, no matter how much estrogen they ingest. So, maybe, if you got a girl pregnant, then, between the two of you, you MIGHT have some opinion on the debate...something like 1, 2 percent. Because it's the girl whose body is going to be split open like a oyster while having the child, or the girl who has to withstand the trauma of the abortion, NOT YOU. No man has any right to say anything about the choice of abortion, other than, maybe, "Whatever you decide. I've got your back." That's it. If you see any man talking about being pro-life, tell him to mind his own business; if he's so into life, why doesn't he have one? Where's his commitment to the premise?

Here's another one, and this goes out to the fellas: Imagine your President/Prime Minister/Dictator told you that you could no longer watch football/hockey. Hey? What about that? You can watch or do whatever you want, right? Nope; shut the fuck up and turn off the TV. It's your life, you can make up your own mind, right? Nope; shut the fuck up. But your watching football/hockey doesn't affect anyone else, right? Shut the fuck up.
This South Dakota bullshit is a good sign for the newsmedia, however; just think of all the stories to come ofnewborn babies in dumpsters and garbage cans. Or the reports of rotting infants in low-income housing because there just wasn't enough money for food. Dead babies floating in the river. Dead babies in alleyways. Dead babies on the doorstep of a family on vacation. Dead babies everywhere, and stories for days.

As a public service, a South Dakota Tourism Suggestion:

You want to spread your seed, no questions asked? Head to beautiful South Dakota, throw on some cologne, and get with the fucking. Sure, you'll be mixing your genes with the best imbecilic young South Dakotans that the state has to offer, but if they have any kind of job, you can just sit back and collect your winnings.

In non-descript South Dakota, they HAVE to have your kid; it's the law!
So, come to South Dakota, where leeching off your steakhouse-waitress wife and having kids faster than you could say "government stipend" is no longer a dream.

Welcome to the Future. Welcome to South Dakota.

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